What is Child Inclusive Mediation?

In light of National Children’s Day UK in May, our family lawyer Rachel Lemon answers some of the most frequently asked questions when it comes to mediation and how important a child’s right is to have their voice heard when decisions are made affecting them (United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child).

When parents are in mediation, their child or children may also be seen by the mediator (so long as the mediator holds the necessary additional qualification to see children in mediation).

The child receives a written invitation; however, this does not have to be accepted (but there can be benefits to the child of just being invited). The child is seen separately to the parents.

The focus is on giving the child an opportunity to have a voice. The focus is not on shifting the decision-making responsibilities onto the child. It is a “check-in” to see what life is like for them at that time given the changes in the family.

After the child has spoken to the mediator and if they agree, feedback is be given to the parents. The child then knows that their voice is important to their parents, that they have had the opportunity to have that voice, and that the family is being considered as a whole.

The child is given the opportunity to simply share what life is like for them. Any responsibility for decision making still remains firmly with the parents.

Is the child seen with the parents?

No. The child should have a confidential space to talk freely. Confidentiality is explained to the parents and the child. What the child says is fed back to the parents if the child agrees it’s okay to do that.

How old does the child have to be?

The Family Mediation Council code of practice requires that all children aged 10 and above should be offered the opportunity to have their voices heard in mediation. This does not mean that younger children cannot be included in mediation. The mediator works closely with parents in preparation of any invitation being sent to a child to ensure arrangements are bespoke to that child, including being age-appropriate.

Will parents get a written report recording what the child says?

No. The mediator feeds back to the parents in a meeting with them. Mediation is conversation-based, and this is reflected in Child Inclusive Mediation as well.

What if the child says nothing to the mediator or something that upsets the parents?

The mediator works closely with parents in the lead-up to their child being seen in mediation, to gain an understanding of the child and also to prepare parents’ expectations from the process. The child does not relieve the parents of their decision-making responsibilities. Parents need to be prepared that the child may say nothing or very little, not agree to anything being fed back to them, or not say anything that they perceive will assist in their decision making. It is important that expectations are managed, and Child Inclusive Mediation is understood by all involved – it is about giving the child an opportunity to have a voice and in doing so, taking an inclusive approach and showing the child respect.

If the focus is not getting the child to say what they want to happen, then what’s the point?

Divorce or separation isn’t only about outcomes; it’s also about protecting and supporting all those going through that journey so they can go on to a happy future.

It must be wrong that we only see the value of a child’s voice if it is helpful to the issues with which adults are dealing. It is much more far-reaching than that. We don’t know what a child will say unless we give them a space, which may need to be away from parents (children can worry about upsetting their parents or “taking sides”) to speak. When a child reflects on their parent’s separation, will the adult they become view such an invitation negatively? Unlikely.

If you would like to discuss mediation or Child Inclusive Mediation, please contact family lawyer Rachel Lemon.